I know I’ve been absent from here for months, but I needed a huge break. There’ve been two major changes in my life, One good, one not so good. The good change is that I am back on internet radio with a mothly gig on my friend Sarah Nash’s show, which is called Radio Nahmaste, It’s a show that she does live every Thursday, and I co host it with her on the final Thursday of each month, Follow Radio Nahmaste on Twitter and Facebook to stay updated on all show related happenings.
The second change is a harder one, and that is that my Mother has stage four pancreatic cancer. She is currently doing chemo. but that will only buy her time. Most of you know that my relationship with my mother has been complicated at best which makes this doubly difficult.
I hate it when something terrible happens to one of my friends and I’m too far away to do much good. In this case, one of my friends lost her husband yesterday, and she’s an ocean away. I just found out about it now and I feel terrible for her.
I’ve just learned of your death. I’m glad you’re at peace now, but it rips my heart out that it ended this way. Please don’t think I’m angry at you. I’m not, I’m angry that what happened to you happened at all, I’m angry that those who hurt you didn’t care that their actions would leave deep wounds that would never heal no matter how hard you tried. I hope that during the time you followed my blog, I was able to provide some comfort, or at least knowledge that you weren’t alone in your fight. You’re free now. Rest well my friend.
If I had the means and the ability to do so, I would change countries and become a citizen of whatever country I would move to. I am, yet again, ashamed to say I’m an American citizen. All of the rioting that is currently taking place right now because of the decision not to charge the Ferguson, Mo police officer is NOT gonna make anything better! Nor will continuing to riot help anyone’s cause. It will, in fact, do the opposite. Hurt rather than help. I’m not saying that there shouldn’t have been charges. What I AM saying is that the decision has come down, and while nobody has to like it, the grand jury has spoken, and all the rioting in the world is not gonna change the decision that it made.
I meant to post this ages ago but I was ill with the stomach bug from hell, so I had to wait until now, On the day before I went to the cottage for the last time, I decided to grit my teeth and inform my assistant that I didn’t want to go back. It’s hard to explain to someone who comes from a big, close knit family why for you, the opposite is the case. Bottom line, I’ve not spoken to my mother since coming home, and my plans for next year are very much up in the air right now.
Within the last few days, I’ve had to make a very painful decision. Next month’s trip to the cottage will be my last, at least as long as my mother is alive. Unfortunately, it was made painfully clear to me that she and I do not get along well enough to be able to even be under the same roof together, She recently broke a confidence, which has been difficult enough for me to deal with, but on top of that, when I was there last week, she began trying to order me about and tell me what to do. When I told her that she no longer had any say over what I did or didn’t do anymore, her response was to tell me that that may be true in my own home, but that while I was in hers, this was how it was going to be. This, on top of the broken confidence made me realize how little respect she has for me. Now, I knew that this was true to a certain degree, but up until last week, I didn’t realize just how deeply the lack of respect from her ran, I love the cottage because its connected to my dad, but I must now drastically limit my contact with my mother, And that means not coming to the cottage anymore while she is alive.